Grief, pain, sorrow…weigh us down sometimes in life. When it does, it feels like a heavy weight in the chest. Like a burden in the soul that we wish to pluck out.

I was reflecting on the experience of someone close and I can relate with their struggle but also imagine how hard it must be for them. Imagine losing your friends in a car accident where you were the driver. The grief, guilt, and trauma. Add to that a court case haunting you and your family with demands for compensation of amounts equivalent to life time savings. The stress is almost unbearable.

I am imagine what must be going through their head. The regret, overbearing guilt and a wish to erase the events of that fateful day. Such is the nature of grief.

Death is so final. You do not realize it until you lose someone really close. Suddenly, the reality that you will never see them again, hear their voice, their laughter that lit up your soul. You think about the last moments you had with them and realize you will never have another one. It is painful, like your heart is being ripped off. The sadness hangs over you like a cold July day.

Sudden death through an illness or accident makes it worse. It is heavier when you are involved. You think about your last moments with them and think about what you could have done differently. You go over scenarios that could have made it better. You blame doctors, a road bump that delayed your drive to the hospital. You blame yourself.

The finality of death is such an unsettling reality. In all the thoughts, you feel helpless. Helpless because death is a humbling reality. You realize you cannot change anything. That you are powerless against death. You crave for control over the situation, but control is out of your reach.

It is at that point of hopelessness that we are presented with a choice. When the pain, guilt, anger (at yourself), sadness and hopelessness knocks on the door, you have 2 options. You can follow the regret and pain, and continue to go through the motions, the endless cycle of guilt. To allow grief to be your identity. To be the woman who lost the husband, the young child who lost the mother, the man who lost a lover. In a way, this path gives us comfort, almost like a way to hold on to those we have lost. We feel the weight on our souls yet feel like it is the right thing because we still have them with us, they are still a part of us.

I pray that anyone who finds themselves at that point will gather the courage to let go. To let go of the guilt, regret and anger. To chose the path of recovery, and more so transformation. To accept the powerlessness against death and take it as a sign. A sign that you cannot fight death. That letting go is not betrayal or weakness, but choosing life.

Because death is so profound, it gives as a chance to evaluate our lives. A chance to take a path of transformation. To take that unsettling realization as a wake up call. As a call to greater things, a call to better versions of ourselves. Rather than allow it to be a weight over your shoulder, you can use it as a stepping stone. Like a new found motivation from the revelation that our time in the world is limited.

Life takes away but also gives abundantly.